The best definition I’ve yet heard of the distinction between an Introvert and an Extrovert is simply that the former gains energy from time spent alone, while the latter tends to recuperate through direct involvement with others. It has nonetheless taken me a fair bit of time to really comprehend that an individual’s particular tendency one way or the other is not related to his or her relative like or dislike of people in general. An Introvert will just as easily love spending time with his friends, though he may simply be unable to engage with them in the same way or to the same degree as his extroverted counterpart.
Milan Kundera christened the “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” principally in reference to the idea of the “lightness” of existence. Through his novel’s title, the Czech author was alluding to life’s eternally transient quality – the perpetually fleeting and un-repeating nature of this present experience of being alive. In Kundera’s version, however, this transient aspect seems to render all that we have and are and do as consequently insignificant. Conversely, I don’t believe that impermanence implies insignificance. Additionally, I imagine that this larger notion of “lightness” could be extended and expanded to include a variety of metaphysical “weights” within our lives – the weights that keep us from floating away, from vanishing. These are the relationships, people, things, loves, rules, and so forth with which we actively maintain connections. Positive weights in appropriate amounts help keep us grounded, in touch with others and with living, and connected to a functioning concept of reality. Too little weight or too much or the wrong kind, however, and one can ultimately recede or suffocate, respectively. Given this, the lightness of our existences and the particularities of our needs require us each to engineer individualized counterbalances toward a healthy progress forward.
While balancing relationships with others may come easier to some Extroverts, Introverts carry with them the definitional handicap of possessing a particularly limited allotment of time in which they can be a good version of themselves around other people. As a result, Introverts may need to exact special care in choosing the human weights that are allowed to inhabit their lives and demand their attentions: Simply, time is limited, and for an Introvert around others, it remains even more so. Consequently, in order for Introverts to assure that time spent with their real friends and family is optimal, it seems particularly crucial for Introverts to make deliberate and sometimes brutal choices regarding their respective time investments. Freedom means being able to live life the way you want. Ironically though, as easily as they can be detriments, in so many instances it’s the weights within our lives that give us our real freedoms, that allow us to live the life we want and as well as we can. In fact, I cannot imagine my life worth living were it not for the various positive weights in my life – my family, my friends, my work, and so forth. Nonetheless, it will always remain a delicate balance for Introverts in particular, a struggle for each of us to choose and cultivate and maintain the best within our own lives – ideally binding ourselves to the most fantastic version of existence that we are presently capable of having.
— For my father: Happy Birthday.
